thefolder | I'm on deck, I'm up next.

Entry tags:

I'm on deck, I'm up next.

Who: Jane Shepard (

renegadedriving) and Campell Saunders (

headup_stickontheice) [Closed]
What: ~~Ashley sets out to dominate the logs comm~~ Post Koushirou's message, Cam's anxieties crop up, and he goes to Shepard to soothe them.
When: April 21, 2013, morning
Where: F1-005, Shepard's Room

[Lucemon wakes Cam, early when Koushirou's message goes out. He likes to sleep in, since he's not used to it, what with early-morning practice and school, so they've gotten into a habit where she wakes first. Even with morning breakfast with Shepard -- which has become a thing, okay, a thing -- this is much earlier than he's usually woken.

At first, he's annoyed. He's grumpy, but Lucemon quickly explains, quickly shows him the message.

It takes him thirty-two minutes of quiet freaking out, Lucemon coaxing him through deep breaths and Neku's headphones whispering comfort music, before he's out the door and down the hall, in just his socks, pajama t-shirt and sweatpants, with Lucemon following.

It's about the time he goes over for breakfast, just a bit early. So the knocks on the door, though a bit more frantic than usual, shouldn't be a surprise for Shepard. At least, if she can't detect the panic behind them.]

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[It's just as well that Cam is early, because Shepard wouldn't have been ready with breakfast at the normal time anyways. She wakes up absurdly early every morning for her shift on the D-Terminal, and she was in the process of brewing coffee when Koushirou's broadcast happened. The coffee has been forgotten entirely.]

[There are guns laid out across the living room floor, all of them in various states of disassemble, Monodramon is pacing while filing his nails into points, and Shepard is furiously unscrewing the top of a thermal clip, swearing under her breath. She's clearly determined to figure out why this thing isn't working.]

[She starts slightly when she hears the knocking, far too tense and feeling exposed. It's only then that she remembers that, right, one of the kids she's frantically trying to protect comes over for breakfast. She's halfway to the door in seconds.]

Hey Cam, sorry--

[Except once she has the door actually open, she realizes immediately that something is wrong.]

. . . You saw it too?

[Right away, he walks in, or at least starts to, before something seems to stop and he has an internal struggle, should he go in or not, wait, wait, why can't he think? He's gotten used to just walking right in, so after a moment of internal panic he just settles on breathing slow, or at least trying to.]

I can't do this. We, we've, we're going out there, or they're coming here, I can't do this, I barely have my, my head on, I'm not ready for this, I'll screw up.

[Lucemon floats behind him, holding the D-Terminal, one hand on his shoulder.]

[Shepard shakes off the moment of association between this and what happened with Veetor. It's stunning, how much her life is repeating. They're about to be attacked by killer insects, people are missing, and she has someone too young for any of it trapped right in the middle.]

Woah, hey, no, you won't screw up, okay? Guiding people through exactly this kind of thing is my job. I've got you.

[He hears her, but it's like he doesn't hear her, putting a hand on his head and breathing deep, one arm against the door frame, supporting himself.]

They called the wrong person, I couldn't even get through high school, I'm, I've, they're coming here and I.

Can we come in? I think he needs to sit. [Lucemon simply doesn't know what to do, she hadn't been there the last time he was in the midst of one of these...attacks.]

[Shepard nods in Lucemon's direction and steps forward out into the hallway, placing a hand gently on the center of Cam's back.]

Come on in, let's get out of the hallway, alright?

[She keeps her voice calm and steady and tries to guide him into the living room. And then she remembers that there are gun parts everywhere and a very anxious looking Monodramon staring at them.]

Watch your step, okay?

[His eyes dart around the room and he just stares and stares, taking a few cautious steps but stopping.]

...Looks, l-like something exploded.

[It's somewhat pitifully said; he's not used to actually trying to talk when he gets like this. Usually, he just cries.]

[Shepard leaves her hand on Cam's back. It feels natural to try to physically reach out when he's so obviously distressed.]

I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with my guns. Don't worry, they're...

[Sigh.]

Harmless.

[Blankly, he nods. He doesn't really process the guns, except for how some of the parts look sharp, and that freaks him out even more.]

Could, could I...? [But he doesn't even wait, he maneuvers to the couch and then sits down, supporting his head with his hands and trying again to breathe deep. Lucemon floats over the guns, frowning.] It keeps happening, I'm trying, but I'm. Freaking out.

[He doesn't really have a name for it other than that.]

[Shepard makes a mental note to dismantle her guns in her room next time. She'd forgotten that civilians aren't nearly as used to that as soldiers are.]

It's not your fault you're having a panic attack, Cam, you're doing fine. Is this your first one since...?

[She weaves her way through gun parts to join him on the couch.]

Edited 2013-04-22 09:02 (UTC)

[Panic attack? He's never heard of that before. Well, no, he has, just always thought of them as something different, because that couldn't be what's happening to him, except it is.

Campbell tries to wet his mouth; it's incredibly dry.] Yeah. Yeah, I've, been good the last week. S-sorta.

[He finds physical presence during these attacks is something he's growing to like.]

[Shepard glances over to Monodramon and gestures to the sink with a tilt of her head. He looks at her with confusion before she frowns and gestures with a hand. Get the kid a glass of water, idiot. The comprehension shows on Monodramon's face and he hurries to do just that.]

They're situational, then.

[She says that more to herself than to Cam.]

You know-- you're actually holding up better than a lot of soldiers who know they're about to be attacked for the first time. I've seen running, screaming and panicked friendly fire. All at once. This is stressful, it's okay to be scared.

[Monodramon comes over at this point, presenting Cam with the glass of water.]

[Before trying to say anything else, Cam grabs the glass and gulps down about half of it in a single swallow, coughing right after and breathing deeper when the choking clears.]

But everyone's counting on me. If I can't even get it together now, I'll, I'll be useless.

[Shepard sighs softly and sets a hand on Cam's back when he starts coughing.]

Easy there.

[She pauses for a moment to consider what to say next.]

I'm no stranger to pressure, Cam. But you have to understand that you're not alone on this one. Nobody's expecting you to fix everything. You didn't ask for this, you don't have to fix everything.

[The water in the cup matches his shakes, and he watches as it ripples, slowly, slowly...growing less intense. Cam swallows and blinks, and his words are soft.]

Like a team.

[For the first time in awhile, that thought is comforting.]

...I wanna help. I, I wanna be there, when everyone's defending the city.

Campbell--

No, no I have to. ...F-for me.

[Shepard nods firmly.]

Then welcome to the team, kid.

[Something in her chest still protests having to have teenagers helping, but...]

We're going to need everybody who's willing.

I'm definitely willing. [His voice is rough, but it's firm; the gruffness probably comes from the tears.

He swallows down a bit more of the water and exhales, slow and even.]

...I, uh. I'm sorry for, coming to you again, after last time. Just felt...right.

[Translation: Since Maya, Shepard's the first person he feels like he associates with feeling good about himself.]

[Shepard nudges Cam's arm affectionately.]

You're always welcome here. I like having you around, if the constant pancakes weren't enough of a hint.

[You are her baby, Cam. Get used to it.]

[He wipes his face with one hand and smiles, shrugging one shoulder, his trademark embarrassed gesture.] Thanks. [It sorta trails off towards the end. Thanks for what? The pancakes? Liking having him around?

...Him being welcome?

Maybe all of it.] You'll, uh. You'll be out there with me?

[Shepard nods firmly.]

Couldn't keep me away if you tried.

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I'm on deck, I'm up next.

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