thefolder | Dusting off

Entry tags:

Dusting off

Who: Laguna Loire (

bewarethefaeries)
What: Getting his bearings
Where: Laguna's Apartment/Hospitown
When: 1-11-14
[Everything had been almost absolute chaos in getting to Hospitown and setting himself up there had taken even longer than he'd expected; he was getting older and for a time it showed, it definitely took him a good while to unwind his gears, even longer to stop sleeping with his handgun under his pillow. Now though he felt better, at least well enough to reach out to people...what a way to ring in the New Year; almost getting flattened by a raging Digglemod with a god complex. Thankfully from the info he'd managed to gather, most everyone had made it to Hospitown or at least safety thanks to a great effort, so to that his smiling face would pop up on the D-stream's screen accompanied by a small wave and the sight of Raine hopping up and down on his bed in the background.]

Hey there all, good to know everyone's safe and sound after all that noise. By chance...has anyone seen Squall or Seifer around since then? I haven't heard anything and I just wanted to check they didn't go off into the wilds for training or something like that. Other than that...how's everyone holding up?

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They taught us enough to know Sorceress's are "bad". At least that's what they told us. Many were left orphaned. The schools were built to hold the orphans and find the chosen one who would save the world. The gists.

Did they at least teach you how the war ended?

[That was the important part here.]

Probably... [ He pauses and frowns a little. ]

The usage of GF's kind of takes of the space of memories so...

Right..GFs do that. Alright, here's the whole story, the truth I owe you.

[Laguna sighed and leaned against the nearest wall, folding his arms across his chest and closing his eyes as he began to recount the memories.]

After a botched mission to an excavation site in Esthar territory, me and my unit were forcefully separated and I fell off the side of a cliff; I broke almost all the bones in my body and if I hadn't washed up on a shore near Winhill, I probably would have died. Fortunately I was found by a kind woman named Raine Leonhart and her daughter Ellone who took me in and nursed me back to health; ultimately I proposed to her and she became my wife...happier times those were.

[He sighed deeply as he opened his eyes, his memories now sorted enough for him to continue as his unusually serious gaze met Squall's.]

But during that time Sorceress Adel was looking for someone to pass her powers on to, by force if was necessary, and one day Esthar forces came to Winhill while I was away and stole Ellone away. Naturally, I chased after her...and after a few years of hard fighting, I was eventually able to seal Adel inside of a Cryostasis Tube, ending her threat for good.

I'd like to say I went straight home afterwards but...anyone could have succumbed to the desire for power and let Adel out in exchange for that; so I stayed in Esthar to make sure that never happened...if it did...she would have went right for my family without hesitation and I couldn't let that happen.

[His face took on an expression of nothing short of pure pain; his throat tightening and forcing him to take a few seconds before he could continue, though he never tore his gaze away.]

What I didn't know...is that while I was after Ellone...Raine had given birth to a healthy baby boy...a son; not shortly after Ellone got back, she died of a disease, leaving the two of them to get swept into one of those Foster Care systems you mentioned. Which...comes to the point that...if I'm right and your mother was Raine Leonhart...then I'm your dad...even if that's only just a word.

[He let out a softer sigh...he felt like a weight had left his shoulders for sure...but there was still that gnawing terror in the back of his brain as he waited for Squall to let a punch loose and clock his lights out.]

You have every right to hate me for not being there. Every right to never talk to me again for keeping it from you...I didn't know how to go about it and honestly? It scared me to death...but you deserved to know. From here, you can deal with me how you see fit...Alexander knows I probably deserve a wholloping at the very least.

[ Squall stayed silent the whole time Laguna was talking. He listened to every single little detail he gave and some seemed familiar to him like he remembered them from a dream. Some things he said seemed rather new to him though. He was taking note of everything he said in his head. He wanted to make sure he understood everything Laguna was saying.

So... he was the man who married Raine... his mother. The connection to this moron was all coming together and instead of being relieved to know this he was actually a little ticked off. Because of him he was thrown into an orphanage where he grew up to be the socially awkward and moody person he is today.

When did Laguna even find this out? Did he know the whole time? Did he realize he had a kid and still didn't even come looking? While Squall was being raised by Matron? And when was he planning on telling him? If he hadn't confronted him would Laguna have even said anything? Who else knew about this? He was sure Roze knew. Did he go and tell everyone else but him?

He had so many questions rushing through his mind and each one just made him more angry. ]

How long were you planning on keeping this from me?

Well...I was going to tell you sooner but then the whole town flattening happened and we kind of got sidetracked.

[When the punches didn't come, he moved his back off of the wall and even Squall could see how deflated the man looked; he had been prepared for the anger, but that didn't stop it from hurting.]

It was wrong of me to keep it from you at all. It was different when you were growing up, I couldn't have any contact with you, Ellone, or Raine, lest one of Esthar's enemies or Adel's remaining supporters went after you, but once I saw you here...I should have been straight up about it. But...I was afraid, this old man was and is terrified of having you hate him; even if he knows he deserves it. I didn't do right by you, and for whatever little worth it has, I'm sorry.

[ His hands were balled up at his sides. ]

( That's it? That's all he can say is sorry? )

I grew up thinking I was a horrible child. By age five I completely gave up on being adopted. Everyone I grew to care about left me. She... She died because of me. Now I'm a fine young soldier that can't even express himself without breaking down.

Oh, but that apology? That makes it alright. It makes everything better. Water under the bridge.

[ With each word he spoke his anger seemed to be fueled higher. ]

No, no it isn't.

[There was that serious look in his eyes again. He knew Squall was upset, and he understood everything that he was telling him; that anger was completely justified...but even in sarcasm, his statement wasn't correct.]

An apology isn't going to fix the damage I caused by not being there, not much really can; but I'm willing to work towards at least mending the bridge as best I can. I know I'm an idiot...I know I'm not easy to be around, and I know right now I'm probably the last person you want to talk to, but I'm not going to cut and run on you again just because I'm ashamed of what I did. This time...in the here and now while I have the chance, I'm going to be right here and if you'll let me, I'll do whatever it takes to get even a little of your trust back. Apart from that...whatever happens from here is up to you.

So you ignore my existence for what, eighteen years? Eighteen years that you knew about me. And now you actually want to pay attention to me? Sorry to break it to you, but I'm already ruined. Cid made sure of that. So it looks like you're out of luck.

[ He doesn't even want to look at Laguna right now. Like he told Laguna, he wasn't good at expressing himself. His emotions were all coming out and the only way he could get them out was through anger. ]

And how many others did you tell before you told me? You tell Dante? That girlfriend of yours? Roze? You can't tell me she doesn't know. She was the one pushing me to talk to you in the first place. [ He just lets out a noise in frustration. ]

It looks like you're already happily starting a new family anyway. So don't give me that crap about you wanting to know me and bond.

[Something snapped in the back of Laguna's head; it felt like something small in the back of his brain that began to shake violently the further down his body, he was lucky his knee's didn't buckle under the weight of it. Ignored his existence? Ignored? It wasn't anger that he felt, but the somber weight of sadness that had replaced the tension in his chest as he reached a hand into his rucksack. He wanted to explain the situation to Squall, but it seemed the time for that had passed. He finally pulled out a single card, a Triple Triad card which he tossed to Squall, knowing he'd catch it...he was a soldier after all; oddly enough if or when he chose to look at it, he'd see his own face from the day he'd official became a SeeD.]

Ignored? I thought of you and Ellone and Raine every day, every single day for 18 years. Every single day since I heard you'd been living in Balamb and had become a SeeD, I kept tabs to make sure you were okay. I did what I had to do to make sure you were as safe as I could manage. Was I there for you when you needed me? No. Was I able to help you when it counted? No. But I never forgot you or the rest of my family. I know I made mistakes, I know I messed up and you suffered for it; but I'm here willing to start making it right.

[Everything about him seemed shaky and ready to fall apart; from his stance to his voice took on the definition of fragile. He'd bared the most vulnerable part of himself; he was just waiting for Squall to take that last shot.]

Because going to a military school is a hell of a lot safer than being raised by a family.

[ He pauses for a moment. ]

Tch what is this?

[ Just like he had predicted Squall caught the card between his fingers and turned it around to look at it. He knew it was a triple triad card by the looks of it, but when it looked at which one it was he was a little surprised. What... was he doing with this card? Why did he have this? How did he even get it? ]

What are you doing with this?

Funny story...I ended up beating the Queen of Cards in a match and had it specially made; it was as good a photo as I thought I was ever going to get and I've held onto it ever since. I was proud of you then...I'm still proud of you; of all the choices you've had to make and will have to make, and of the way you manage to carry yourself despite what you've been through. You inspire the people around you, you bring out the good in people even if you don't see it sometimes.

[He sighed, for a moment that fragility seemed to give way to something much warmer and almost nostalgic; even if Squall hated his guts, he couldn't have asked for a better son, that much was true.]

I'm from a different time, remember? I've seen the lives you changed, I've seen firsthand the man your choices made you and it made me more proud than I can ever express. When it comes to brass tacks, you're a good man...I couldn't ask any more of you than that.

[He nodded his head slightly as an affirmation of his statement, he'd waited a long time to say that...Squall would likely be enraged, but he felt it needed to be said.]

A good man? As if. Don't even pretend. And don't even pretend you know who I am either. Whats the real reason you're even trying? Your girlfriend make you feel guilty?

[ He flings the card back at Laguna. ]

[He caught the card silently, the only movement from him was a small shake of his head; Saori wasn't even necessary for that.]

Nah, I've felt guilty for a long time about this. Her name is Saori, by the way; she isn't involved in this, so let's keep it that way. As for pretending...I think we're past that point, aren't we? I've held things back from you long enough...everything you've been hearing and will hear is the truth, even if you don't believe it.

If you want me to believe you at all, you'll have to find a way to prove it, because if you can't even prove what you just said is true it's just fucking talk.

Does a man with a clear conscience have a Triple Triad card made of the son he's never met?

[For someone who's usually not the swiftest, that was fairly sound logic.]

That's what I'm here for...that's why I took the step to talk to you about this. Do I expect you to believe a word out of my mouth? Not at all, but I'm willing to work towards that if you'll give me the chance to; that's all I'm asking for, even if it's asking too much. You're free to kick me right back out of your life if that's what you want...but I'd like the chance to be a part of it now that I have the chance.

[ Squall scowls Laguna's way and turns on his heel. His hands were still clenched up and if this were a cartoon he would have smoke coming from his ears. He didn't want to hear these words anymore. He just didn't. They were too nice, but they meant nothing. Laguna had so many years to try this, and something told him if they were back home he'd never tell him there either. He just kept making himself angrier and angrier. ]

You're going to have to do better than pretty words old man.

[ And on that note he was outta here. ]

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Dusting off

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