Roze Ichishi (
fullofthorns) wrote in
thefolder2013-09-26 05:16 pm
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The weather outside is effin' FRIGHTFUL...
Who: Roze, Squall, Neku, Musashi, Terri, Lance and Squire...and maybe stupid Seifer [closed]
What: MOVIE NIGHT
When: During the Cat-Dog Storm of '13
Where: Apt F309
It took a little work and more patience than Roze had on her own, but Neku finally manged to transfer some of Roze's ipod to her D-T and a more universal format. Music - thank God - books and movies. Even some of her music videos, which was a bigger relief than she had thought it would be.
Since there had been so much trouble and she'd barely managed to make up for her - in her mind - on the snow day, Roze decided to invite Team Dumbass over for movies and snacks.
Seifer refused. She texted Squall, Seifer and Neku, bouncing back and forth forever but in the end, Seifer blew her off. She had presents for Squall and Seifer both and had hoped to give them over before watching movies. Without Princess there she ended up sliding the box under her bed. He'd made it pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with any of them.
It bothered her, but she'd cope. She was used to disappointment.
So there she sat on the couch with Musashi, ignoring the occasional thuds and yelps or screeches against the outside apartment walls.
Mm, nope, not gonna even think about the crazy ass weather.
"Volcano High...really...I hope Squall doesn't just walk out on me, haha."
What: MOVIE NIGHT
When: During the Cat-Dog Storm of '13
Where: Apt F309
It took a little work and more patience than Roze had on her own, but Neku finally manged to transfer some of Roze's ipod to her D-T and a more universal format. Music - thank God - books and movies. Even some of her music videos, which was a bigger relief than she had thought it would be.
Since there had been so much trouble and she'd barely managed to make up for her - in her mind - on the snow day, Roze decided to invite Team Dumbass over for movies and snacks.
Seifer refused. She texted Squall, Seifer and Neku, bouncing back and forth forever but in the end, Seifer blew her off. She had presents for Squall and Seifer both and had hoped to give them over before watching movies. Without Princess there she ended up sliding the box under her bed. He'd made it pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with any of them.
It bothered her, but she'd cope. She was used to disappointment.
So there she sat on the couch with Musashi, ignoring the occasional thuds and yelps or screeches against the outside apartment walls.
Mm, nope, not gonna even think about the crazy ass weather.
"Volcano High...really...I hope Squall doesn't just walk out on me, haha."
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"I don't need to go home. I'll be fine waiting for you. "
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Whether he left or not, Roze eventually slipped by to her room, leaving the door open for him and crawling under the covers. Musashi was still asleep in the living room and she didn't want to bother him. If he wanted in the bed he'd get there later when he woke up.
Leaning up against one of the walls in her room was a plain white gift box with a small tag that said 'Princess' on it. Obviously she had intended to gift Seifer as well, but he had opted out, leaving her with a lonely box that she sat, ignored, in a corner to gather dust.
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She didn't come back out here, was everything okay? He frowned a bit and bent down to gently pick up Musashi from his spot on the ground. Unfortunately he had a soft spot for these kind of things so leaving him there would have felt wrong.
He glanced around again and spotted a door that wasn't open before. Maybe Roze went in there. He covered his eyes before walking in and very gently lies Musashi down at the end of her bed.
" I didn't mean to intrude."
Yep, this dork still has his eyes covered.
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"Come on in," she patted the bed lightly, turning onto her side and facing the far wall.
Yes, there was something wrong, but not so bad as he might have imagined. She was simply anxious, having given her word to talk about everything and anything, while she still wouldn't even talk to Dante. But then, different people shared different relationships.
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He slowly moved down next to her and moved his hand to her shoulder. It was still really uncomfortable to be this close to people.
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She huffed a sigh, flopping her head back onto the pillow, reaching to pull her braid over her shoulder to rest in front of her so it wouldn't be in Squall's way.
"Thanks for comin', anyways. I woulda been really bummed if neither of you showed..." A quiet admission, distant and distracted, as though said in passing.
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"I promised you I would, right? And to be honest I'm not surprised he didn't want to come. I told you, he's in one of his moods."
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"Your body is shaped to fit a certain way, y'know. Ignore what you're doing and just think about puzzle-pieces. Scoot closer. You're not going to die for touchin' a girl."
She sighed softly, pursing her lips and staring at the wall again.
"If you're too scared to spoon this way I'll be the big spoon. I just figured this would be easier for you. Less grabby, y'know."
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He awkwardly buries his face into the pillow to hide his reddening cheeks. She kept doing things like this to make his heart race and he didn't know how to deal with it. He wasn't even sure how he was dealing with this right now.
"I know you aren't going to "kill me" by touching you, okay."
He almost sounded a little huffy with that last comment he made. He was feeling rather embarrassed so he couldn't help it. He felt like she was teasing him a bit.
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"Its spooning. People do it all the time. You don't have to be intimate to just want to comfort and be comforted."
She turned his hand, cupping it against her stomach carefully as she adjusted herself so his arm around rest too heavy against her tender ribs.
"You know...touch is a really important part of human development. Back home there's a scientist that did a lot of studies on it. He did some pretty awful stuff in pursuit of the knowledge but he provided a lot of info in the long term. If you don't have enough physical interaction, you grow up stunted and unable to handle social stuff. Its a big deal to like...be handled a lot in your formative years."
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He didn't sound angry at all by her words. It was more of a curious question. Now he was completely curled up with her and his hand was gently touching her stomach, he didn't know what else to do. It was just so weird and she could probably feel his heart racing against her back. At least she couldn't see his face from behind.
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She turned her head enough to see him from the corner of her eye.
"You're somewhere right now where the past doesn't matter. If you were a bad person, like me, you can be good for a while. If you were alone, like you, you can have a life full of people. You should take a hold of the things you want when they're still in your reach, you know?"
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He moved his hand to her face and gave her cheek a pinch.
"Stop that. You are far from being a bad person."
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"I was a mean person. I mean...like I wasn't just mean, I was violent and nasty. Sometimes I wasn't. With the right people, y'know. But a lot of the time, yeah, I was. I just...I like fighting. For a lot of reasons. And then couple that with a lot of rage issues and some shitty familial problems and BAM. Recipe for disaster right there. I might be a good person at the core, but even good people can do really bad things. Kinda why I'm alright with Princess. He's a dick but...I feel like his intentions are pure. He's just kinda lost sight of his truth."
She shrugged, shifting her legs to bend and reaching down to tug his leg lightly, indicating he should tuck his knees into the back of hers.
"I hurt a lot of people. And I mean, I don't regret all of it - some of them deserved a beatin' - but not everyone deserves an ass-whoopin'. Definitely not from someone way, way stronger and better trained. I mean back home I'm pretty much just a bully. I want people to like me but when they don't I just...hm, I don't take it very well I guess. I came here and people were kind of a surprise. I was thrown off my usual rails. I didn't have time to get mad and with this D-T thingy I can talk without bein' right by someone - which means not in reach to reflexively hit 'em when I don't like what they say. So I can't just get mad and throw a fit."
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" What's meaner? Someone who fights and everyone knows is a fighter? Or someone who pushes away your feelings and ignores them. Someone who tells you Go talk to a wall because they won't listen to your problems. If you feel you're bad, then I'm just as bad."
He moves his hands to her cheeks and keeps her face facing him.
"You aren't a bad person. You're an idiot. And you don't think things through. You're pushy. You're loud and that's who you are. That doesn't make you bad. It just makes you different from the normal. It doesn't make you a screw up. It doesn't mean you should put yourself down. You are fine the way you are."
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"I'm not the hero in my story, Pretty Boy. I'm the kid that turns into a villain somewhere down the line and dies in their redemption arc...doin' the right thing at the last minute and givin' someone else the chance at a life I didn't get. I'm okay with that, though. I'm honest with myself, at least. I know when I'm doin' wrong, and I know when other people are, too. I got a nose for bullshit. It keeps me good at the end of the day, but I know I'm not a very good person, babe. I'm really not. Sometimes I like hurting people, because it makes me feel better. I haven't had to, here. No one has really made me feel bad about myself or anything. Here I'm able to just...well. I know its me. I have time. I don't have my family pushing me and pushing me and pushing me until I just blow up, y'know?"
She swallowed again, throat tight and nostrils flaring in effort to avoid tears.
"You're different, you know. You're not bad. You're just busted. You'll get better. I'm scared I won't. I have to choose between being me and being what makes people like me. Where you...you're not really this lonely little ice-berg. You're just...you need people. When you start letting them in, you'll find the real you. Though I guess maybe I will...maybe I need people too. I was always around the demons and stuff but...I guess maybe I wanted other people to accept me. It was always kind of a given that demons would like me fine. But I was raised with human kids and...human kids never liked me. Maybe we're all kinda messed up..."
She huffed another laugh, rolling her eyes and muttering an irritable sound when tears trickled out the far corners and down the sides of her face anyways.
"That's why I'm so upset...I don't want you and Princess and Shorty mad at me...I didn't mean to mess up so bad and now I'm afraid you won't like me anymore, when you guys barely like me already..."
There it was. Just like that, and admission in minutes; not even a proper interrogation. Roze was an honest person, she hated lies, she hated keeping things in and she wanted to get it off her chest. She just needed the open forum.
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" You think we're any different? Maybe not Neku but Seifer and me? That's what we were trained for. To hurt people. I get paid to hurt people. And you know what? I have no remorse for it either. It's an order so I do it. We all are screwed up a little. You are included in that. You've already admitted you want people to like you. You want to be loved. That's not the thoughts of a bad person. A bad person a legitimately bad person would do whatever the hell they want and not care. They would go around destroying this place and shrug it off. You're an idiot for thinking that and you're an idiot for thinking we hate you. Why do you think you messed up? What in this hard head of yours makes you think that? The fact that you think you're such a godawful person and that you don't want to work with us is what makes us mad. Not anything that happened."
He's going to need some water after this. After all of this talking he's doing right now. He continues to wipe the tears from her eyes. If Kotemon woke up any second now he'd probably try and fight Squall.
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"I fell in. I got everyone hurt by being a shithead. I shoulda just listened to Princess and let Shorty check and everything woulda just gone fine but I had to protest, y'know? I just couldn't listen. And then...everything happened...and the voices..." she trailed off, eyes sliding to the side, her pulse thundering in a mix of upset from the memory of the dark area that had shaken her more than she'd thought, and Squall's own close proximity, so carefully wiping away her tears. Tears that only made her feel more ashamed.
I must seem completely ridiculous right now. All the shouting and playing and being a nuisance and then here I am, sobbing like fuckin' child...I'm sorry. We were just supposed to have a good time..."
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It was so weird seeing her break down like this. He was used to her being the strong one and her being all in your face. She looked so... vulnerable right now. He had to make sure he didn't screw up or things could plummet.
"Idiot. You tell me to express myself all the time. "
He pushed himself back against the pillows and led her head to rest in his lap. That was suppose to be comforting too right? He didn't know. He was terrible at this.
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"I express myself all the time...mostly it seems to either barely amuse people, or just outright annoy them. Some people take it...pretty well but. You know, its hard to laugh all the time, trying to will the silence when other people are angry and quiet..." she murmured, curling against him and looking at him from his lap.
"I don't want to be sad or angry. I feel like...I have to hid it more...because I want to cultivate better things in other people. You can't make people smile if you don't smile too."
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He awkwardly sets his hand on her head and stares up at the ceiling. It was a little less awkward for him if he looked up rather than at her. He figured it might make her feel less embarrassed too.
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Cajoling him and convincing him was one thing, but he wouldn't have stayed if he didn't feel like it. She only hoped he didn't feel obligated.
"Then say it," she remarked, staring at his leg, focusing on where the knee rose and created a curve in his pants. "Tell me what I am, Pretty Boy..." Prove that I'm not just 'nothing'...
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He shifted a little awkwardly to make sure she was more comfortable in his lap. without realizing it he tapped her shoulder with his other hand just gently drumming his fingers on her shoulder.
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"Oh...Oh my God...*gasp* Hahaha, oh...oh it hurts...my face hurts..." she whined, mouth stuck in a wide smile, eyes squinting and red-rimmed as she groped in the air and finally grabbed his shoulder, dropping her head against it while she laughed and hiccuped helplessly.
It was simply too absurd. Here she was, crying, consoled by one of the most emotionally immovable people the place had to offer, and when asked for some kind of revelation about herself, he described her age and height in with everything else?
"P-pretty...Pretty Boy...You..." she choked on a laugh, raised her head and stared at him, smile relaxed enough to be fond instead of hysterical. "You don't know how wonderful you genuinely are. I really want to be there the day you finally let everything go."
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He was a bit tense with her being so close like this, but he didn't shove her off, not yet anyway. He'd give her a moment before shoving her off.
"You're a little delirious I think. "
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