thefolder | Hey now. Hey now. Don't dream it's over.

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Hey now. Hey now. Don't dream it's over.

Who: Marley Rose (

wall_flower) and Cam Saunders (

headup_stickontheice)
What: Marley and Cam have a little chat because worry begets worry, and things need explaining.
When:April 17, 2013
Where: Cam's room, F1-002

Hawkmon had been the one to wake Marley again after her talk with Commander Shepard. Truth be told, Marley didn't want to wake up then. After what she saw on the D-Terminal with Cam and whoever it was he had been talking to...to say she was scared simply put it mildly.

Talking with Commander Shepard helped ease some of the fear, knowing that Cam was going to be okay now. But she still felt sick, and the pancakes hadn't made things better, but that was for other reasons. It wasn't until Hawkmon woke her to tell her Cam wanted to talk that she actually got out of bed.

Still feeling like hell, for lack of a better word, she took the offered D-Terminal from Hawkmon and sent a quick text message to Cam:

Hey. You okay? Hawkmon said you wanted to talk. Can I come over?

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As the day goes on, Cam lays in bed, though not in the listless, despondent way he's used to. Instead, he's poking at his phone, trying anything to get it to work...and failing, to be honest. Examining it and the D-Terminal, shaking them both... He's not exactly a technology whiz.

Lucemon sits in his room with him, almost idle, not complaining about having little to do. It feels like everyone's walking on eggshells around him, in some way, but he's not sure if he hates it just yet. The new perspective is helping.

While tinkering with his D-Terminal, he gets Marley's message, and he stares at it for a moment, sitting straight up. He's glad she's awake, and he knows this'll be a hard conversation, and it scares him and scares him and scares him, but he owes it to her.

Yeah. You know the room? First floor, room 002.

Maybe he's already told her where, but he can't remember, and it's better safe than sorry. "Marley's comin' over, Lucemon."

"Oh, oh... Do you want me to wait outside, Campbell?"

"...We'll see."

Okay. I'll be there soon.

"Hawkmon? Do you want to come?" She stood from her bed and reached over for her favorite hat. It would help hide the fact that she looked like death warmed over. She knew he wouldn't blame her for looking horrible if she told him she was sick, but the longer she could hide it, the better.

Marley glanced over at her Digimon partner as he flew over, expecting her to take hold of him. She gladly hugged Hawkmon close. "Of course I want to come. We're partners, right? I'm not going to leave you alone."

"...Th-Thanks. Thank you, Hawkmon." She hugged the bird Digimon close, willing herself not to cry. She really needed to hear that, but now wasn't the time for tears. Her nose nuzzled against the top of Hawkmon's head before she found herself able to actually move. "Let's go, then, huh?"

It didn't take long to find Cam's apartment. She really hoped his roommates weren't home. She didn't want to explain why she looked so pale, and as if she didn't sleep (even though she slept most of the day before). With a sigh, she lifted a hand and rapped her knuckles against the door. Maybe Cam would hear her, but just for an extra precaution...

"C-Cam? It's me...Marley. I brought Hawkmon, so maybe...maybe Lucemon can play with him while we talk? I didn't want to leave him back in my room, though I doubt he would have stayed behind even if I asked him to stay."

"You're rambling, Marley."

"Oh...Oh, right. Sorry, Hawkmon."

The apology's barely out of her mouth before the door opens. Cam's looking alright, his useless iPhone in one hand, and Lucemon's hovering in the background. It looks like the boy's trying to put on a smile, but as soon as he sees Marley, how pale she looks and how...ill, it immediately falls and he tentatively reaches to take her arm, help her in if she needs it, anything.

"Hey. We don't have to do this now, f'you wanna get some sleep, or--" But he stops, because yeah, they probably should talk. A new friend declaring openly that he wants to die and then having some kinda weird attack isn't something that should linger in her mind unexplained. "C'mon. Wherever you wanna sit."

There's not much place to sit, just the floor or his bed, but he figures he should say nevertheless.

Lucemon floats forward, greeting them as well. "Hello Marley, Hawkmon. I can do whatever you want, okay, okay?"

"Thanks, Cam," she smiled as she settled down on the edge of the bed. She released Hawkmon, letting him fly over to Lucemon. "And you, Lucemon. I'm...I'm fine right now, but thank you." She wasn't fine and she knew it. But she didn't feel like she was going to be sick, so that was an improvement.

"I'm sorry I got your message late. I wasn't...feeling all that great yesterday. Even when the Commander came over..." Hawkmon made a sound like he wanted to say something, but Marley shot him a look that made him quiet down. "I'm feeling a little better, so...that's good..."

She tucked her hands between her knees as she dropped her gaze to her lap. Her nerves were frayed, and not knowing how this conversation was going to go made her all the more nervous. "H-How are...How are you doing, Cam?"

Quiet, to let her speak first, Cam sits next to Marley and kneads his socks into the floor. This kind of conversation isn't one Cam wants to have more than once in such a short period of time, but simply knowing a little bit more about it helps. He's definitely calmer than the last time, though that's not saying much.

"I'm...better, alright. Not...awful, I'm..." He takes a deep breath and honestly isn't sure what to do right now; should he put a hand on her shoulder, offer some kind of physical support? He just decides, out with it. "Marley, I'm really sorry. You shouldn't've had to... I didn't mean to worry you."

On the floor, Lucemon sits on a blanket-mattress and quietly listens to the two talk.

Marley watched as Hawkmon settled down on the floor next to Lucemon's pallet, though she didn't seem to actually be focused on the two. She was too busy listening to Cam apologize for something out of his control. He didn't mean to make her worry, but that's what happens when you're a friend of Marley Rose.

She sighed and leaned gently against Cam, taking from the touch a sense of security know that he was here and physically all right while also offer her own support. She had her own demons she fought with every day, and she understood, at least on some level, what it meant to be unwell.

"You don't...need to apologize, Cam. I'm really just glad you didn't...you know." A deep breath later and she was speaking again. "I'm actually seeing a therapist back home, you know."

Actual physical support makes him tense for all of a second before he relaxes. Cam's of two minds with that sort of thing, while he likes it, he always worries about initiating or if someone actually wants it, or...everything, really. He always worries.

Marley's admission shocks him; he can't find words for a moment, or figure if it's alright to ask why. "I didn't, I mean... You didn't want to...?" He can't say it; it comes with being in the dark, until recently, that this thing tormenting him is something literally beyond his control.

"I'm going...for something else. Not for feeling like how you do, but..." She took a deep breath, her fingers curling until her hands are in fists. "My therapist specializes in...in eating disorders..."

There. She said it. Now to wait until Cam freaked out or told her to leave. Her eyes glance up at Cam, her body tense as she mentally prepared herself for whatever her friend was ready to throw at her.

As Cam's looking at Marley when she glances at him, their eyes meet, and there's no scorn, just some kind of sad support. The look on her face, he recognizes it. The fear and terror. And more than that, he feels her stiff. Tentatively, he wraps an arm around her shoulder.

"I'm real sorry." He doesn't know all that much about eating disorders, but he knows Maya, in confidence, mentioned once that her sister Katie used to, after he'd overheard a dismissive comment about binges; Katie'd made it herself, so he got the feeling it really was something in the past. But that's not what Marley's going through, is it? "I'm, I'm sorry you feel...that way, and... that it's... that you..."

He really isn't good at saying things. Or providing support. So the side-hug he has her in tightens, just a little. It's weird, because she's a bit taller than him, but it's something.

Cam didn't have to say anything. Just the side-hug was enough for Marley to know that she wasn't going to be sent away. That Cam understood her just as she understood him.

It was more than enough, and she carefully leaned more against Cam, her head placed on his shoulder.

"Thanks, Cam. And if you...if you ever need to talk or something, you can call me. Anytime, okay?"

Physical touch really does help. The hug tightens and he shifts, so he's a bit more comfortable. "Yeah," he says, and it doesn't just feel like he's saying that, it's like he means it. That, more than anything else, helps.

And he feels like, he should at least say at least, at least, well.

"...Marley, I'm... When I got here, I was...glitching. 'Least that's how some've said it. I was...flicking, for a few hours. It's..." He doesn't want to say it. "People only do that when they were...dead."

He wants to tell her he's probably not going back, given what Koushirou said.

"Wait, does that...does that mean you..." Marley lifted her head up to look at Cam. Did he really...go through with it back home? Did he truly...

"Oh...Cam..." Before she realized she was doing it, her arms were thrown around the boy's neck in a hug. What would drive him to do such a thing? Why would he want to do it now? Marley couldn't even stop herself from crying on Cam's shoulder. "C-Cam, I'm so...so sorry. All you w-went through. To...To make you do someth-thing like that..."

He can't look at Marley. He can't, he can't face her. He feels sick, but he wants to tell her. He wants to tell more people, maybe then he'll be able to work through why.

"I- I did." The words come out strangled. She's crying on him, just like how he cried on Shepard, and he can do nothing but rub her shoulder and lean his head against hers. "It, I'm, I didn't even...know. Something was really wrong, with me, I just thought I..." He won't cry. He can't. Not again. "...it was my fault."

Which, honestly, he still does, but he's actively trying to remind himself it's not. "...It's why when Henry asked that, I just...reacted."

A tighter hold. He wishes he had Hoot in his hands right now, but he can't have the little owl all the time.

"Don't...don't listen to him. Okay?" She choked back a few sobs, a vain attempt to compose herself. "P-People like that just...they just want to hurt other people and...and you sh-shouldn't have to go through that. Not again."

Marley held on tight to Cam. She didn't know if her words would get through, but maybe holding him would. Still, it didn't keep her from talking through the tears.

"Y-You're my friend, Cam, and I don't...I don't want to see you get h-hurt..."

"I'm not. I know." His voice wavers and cracks, and he shuts his eyes very tight, to try and keep the tears back. It doesn't work exactly. "Miss Shepard, she. Talked to me, and I'm. I wanna try. It's, I'm. ...There's something wrong with me, but I...can't, control it."

To be honest, more he's thought about, more it seems like a cop out. Why's he got this excuse for things? And if they can't find any of that medication Shepard talked about, does that mean he's going to stay like this, forever?

"I want to," he chokes it out, and as he opens his eyes, he can't hold the tears in anymore. "I want to get better."

His head's leaning against hers and he adds, softly, "That day out, it was...some of the most fun I'd had in weeks. Thanks."

"That's...That's why I'm seeing a therapist. I want to get better, too." After taking a few deep breaths, Marley was finally able to get her sobs under control. "After I-I passed out at sectionals, I started going to one." She stayed there on the bed, hugging Cam and seeking comfort, as he was likely doing. They needed this. Both of them.

A small smile took to her lips when Cam spoke again. "I-I had fun, too, Cam. I'm really happy it made you happy."

In a stunned quiet, Cam stares at Marley, everything else going out of his head. "You...passed out?" He remembers her talking about the other team being disqualified, and he's quite familiar with how competitions work. Having been in and on various sports and teams since grade four would do that.

The pieces slide into place and he rubs her shoulder, if only because he's already holding tight. "You didn't let anyone down." He misunderstood what she'd said, before. "'m new to this, but...this kinda stuff, messes us up, sounds like. It's not, your fault."

A stab of phantom pain shoots through Cam's left arm, which is loose at his side, because he remembers plummeting from the catwalk in a deliberate attempt to break it, and that...

He would've given anything to have someone tell him that wasn't his fault, in the weeks after, when he laid awake wondering just how screwed up he could get before he collapsed in on himself.

"It was my fault. I didn't eat or sleep for days. There was just so much pressure, and I knew I'd be the one to let everyone down." Marley shook her head slowly against Cam's shoulder. No, now's not the time for this. This was meant to be time to talk to Cam and make sure he was okay, not...whatever it was turning into.

She sighed softly and lifted her head up, her hands moving so that they cupped Cam's cheeks. Her eyes met his, and she spoke in a very determined manner.

"We're going to get through this, right? Both of us? We're going to work on getting better?"

Cam can understand the need not to talk, and he won't push her. Especially since this is supposed to be him explaining, him making things okay. So he doesn't, and he lets her just move his head, lets her powerful voice wash over him.

And he slowly nods, putting one of his hands on hers. "Yeah. We're, we're gonna get better, together."

It's scary. But having someone else with him makes it a little less so.

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Hey now. Hey now. Don't dream it's over.

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That's his O face.....Isn't it?

NO IT IS NOT ALI JEEZ.

Re: NO IT IS NOT ALI JEEZ.

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